Calm in My Heart

Well it's now 6.26am, but I've been awake since about 3am...

The almost 4 year old, combined with snot, cough and bad dreams (all his!) has not been conducive to sleep for either of us. I tried dozing many times only to be woken up by a cold hand feeling for my face in the dark... and had to give copious cuddles, reassurances that the dream wasn't real, reminders that the dark isn't really that scary. Then I needed to supply tissues, a drink, food, and assist with locked doors to the toilet, deal with escaped cats, a hungry dog, and listen to the Chuggington DVD play in the background...

Now he's donned his helmet and is heading to the yard to ride or drive something with wheels I presume... the sun isn't even up yet!


I'm already planning the nanna nap that I'm sure I'll be needing by lunchtime.


So what does this have to do with clutter or finding peace? Well the physical clutter clearing will probably be a little slow today... but I made a conscious decision to try to find some compassion and patience for this little child who is too terrified to close his eyes in case the bad dreams come back.



Rather than reacting with anger and frustration, and mourning my loss of sleep, I decided that I would "let go" of the expectation of sleep... "let go" of my anger because I should have a "right" to sleep... no more lying there dozing and being resentful that my sleep had been stolen. I decided that I might as well embrace the early darkness and start writing... and open my heart... and take lots of huge, deep, calming breaths. And try to find the humour in the situation... like having a chuckle out loud when he told me that I was "very rude" for not letting him sleep in my bed!




Am I any less tired? Hell no! I'm still exhausted from the long day I had yesterday, and the last few nights of broken sleep. Am I going to be feeling chipper and chirpy by morning tea? Nup. But I'm feeling calm in my heart. And apart from being asleep in my cosy bed, that's the only other place I want to be!