Change... is it as 'good as a holiday'??

I've always considered myself to be relatively OK with change... there have been plenty that I've embraced and even relished... I've even been known to get excited about change.  Honestly, sometimes I've been known to go looking for it voluntarily!

"Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights." ~ Pauline R. Kezer

But the new Facebook format that has just been introduced has been a rude shock to my system!  Suddenly I'm resisting change.  I'm not liking it.  I'm angry and frustrated and annoyed and I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed by the implications of the changes.  I'm struggling and I know I'm not alone!

I've heard cries of "well if you don't like it you don't have to use it", and I do understand that ultimately it's a business... a BIG business, and the changes (with more to come!!) are more to do with making money and staying ahead of the competition, rather than listening to the people who are actually using the media.

So why do we sometimes struggle with change? What makes some changes harder to accept than others? When change is imposed with little or no consultation people rebel and object loudly.  The Facebook changes are a great example of that! Why do we rebel? Is it that we can't control our "cyber environment"... we suddenly "lose" control of something that is familiar and safe? It's about FEAR. Fear of not coping, fear of losing control, fear that we'll be overwhelmed and "lose the plot", fear that we'll lose business perhaps. Fear of something new and different.  Fear that our opinions don't matter.

Unless we are part of the team who makes all these changes, or our name is Mark Zuckerberg, we are not going to be asked what we think... we're not going to be participating in the process of change... we are only going to be dangling at the end of the change feeling pissed off, "cheated" and angry that some anonymous person has taken away something that we loved and felt good about.  And of course logically we know that FB can't consult with millions of users and come to some happy little consensus that will please everybody!

So what are we going to do about it?  Well... if you are like me, you'll bounce back, get used to it, adapt and get on with life.  Some people may just decide that they can't be bothered, and leave the forum completely.  It's all about what value we perceive in adapting to the changes.  Once we've had our dummy spits and worked out that we don't have a huge amount of power or say in the matter, we'll realise that we can only change ourselves and our reactions to the changes imposed.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves." ~ Victor Frankl

So in order to find some PEACE amongst the changes,

• I'm remembering to BREATHE.
• I'm remembering to feel GRATEFUL for a free Social Media tool that has allowed me to make fabulous connections locally and globally.
• I'm talking to friends, sharing ideas and working out ways to make the changes work for me, rather than against me!
• I'm remembering that I'm a small part of a huge whole and that's OK.
• I'm looking for the humour in the situation!
• I'm LETTING GO of the fear and overwhelm.
• I'm embracing the NEW!

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~ Mary Engelbreit

"I love you because you always trick me."

So Father's Day has rolled around again.  Last year there wasn't really any issue.  TJ was at playgroup, there was no pressure to make anything special for anyone... I don't seem to remember us making any special effort to contact his dad.  It was just the two of us... I don't even remember if we made a fuss of Grandpa...

This year he's at Kindergarten, and the children have all been busy making special pictures with typed messages on them for their dads. 

My heart almost broke when I saw all the kids collecting their artwork and proudly sharing their stories about what they loved about their dads.  I wondered what I was about to read... I expected TJ to have some fabulous fantasy story about his dad's farm, or about driving the tractor, or even something about his dogs that we occasionally see via Skype.  I smiled at the drawing & glanced at the words and saw "... I love you because you always trick me."  Then I suddenly realised that it said
"DAVID, I love you because you always trick me."

  

Not DAD!  Wow.  Now I had tears in my eyes! 

I did the whole big thing about how wonderful & special it was, and we made a big production about it when we got home, and David put it on the window next to his desk, and TJ was very proud of his work... but I still wonder what he makes of the whole Father's Day thing. 

At only 4 years old, and having been in a single parent family since he was 6 months old, does he even understand the concept of what a 'DAD' is or does?  What was the context of the activity that they did at Kindy?  Was he prompted to choose the male role model in his life who was most significant?  Was he given a choice about participating in the activity?  Was he encouraged to write about his actual father? 

Lots of unanswered questions from an ex-teacher who was always so careful to be inclusive of all family situations and arrangements! 

And then today, I asked him if he wanted to do something special for his dad... his answer... "Nah... it's ok." 

Does that mean that he doesn't love his dad?  Does it mean that he doesn't care?  I don't think so.  Does it just mean that as far as he's concerned the "activity" was completed and now it's time to move on and play?   Maybe there's something there that I can learn from him... do the job and move on perhaps?  Feel the love, and 'let go' perhaps?

Dad is still 'dad', but we rarely see him or even hear much from him.  He certainly doesn't play a significant role in TJ's life.  Apart from 'Grumpy Gramps', David is the significant male role model in his life who plays soccer with him, takes him for bike rides, digs in the garden with him, watches TV with him, cooks for him, disciplines him, and yeah... does a fair bit of "tricking" too!

Time to let go of the idea of some of the guilt around his dad not being around... he has wonderful male role models in the shape of Gramps and David.  I think we'll be celebrating "Grumpy Gramps' Day & David's Day" on Sunday!