I know that you are busy, that your job is complex, that you have to manage an often unruly bunch of little kids with diverse backgrounds, needs and issues. I know that there are long hours, marking, preparation, staff meetings, yard duty, conferences, performance management, accountability, duty of care, excursions, parent/teacher interviews, report writing, committees, work on weekends and school holidays, spending your own money on books and resources, a lot of hard work and often little thanks.
I also know that you can't possibly begin to understand what makes my child tick after just one week of school. My child is many, many things... He's funny, and smart, and creative, and compassionate, and sensitive, and anxious and he doesn't like loud noises. He's a perfectionist who's not good at risk taking. He's hard on himself, he doesn't like change, he doesn't like saying goodbyes. He loves to be successful. He can ride his bike without training wheels. He loves books and animals, and watching 'Mythbusters', and spending time with his Grandparents. He thrives on routine and predictability. You don't know these things yet because you've only known him for a week.
You also have no idea that he chose to sit on the floor in the hallway this morning and read that 'take home reader' that we had to almost beg for, rather than playing with the Wii or Xbox. That's how special he feels because he can read it on his own now.
When I try to explain that he lives with a level of anxiety that can sometimes almost be physically painful for him, please don't fob me off by replying, "Well he's not like that in the classroom." That's because when he's anxious he's often quiet and overwhelmed and compliant... he's "behaving" partly out of fear and because the environment is new and unpredictable. If you'd spoken to the Preschool as part of his transition, you'd know that he didn't "find his voice" until the last few weeks he was there. Please understand that I DO know these things about him because it has been my life for the last 5 years, consequently I am a wealth of information about my child. I am not the enemy. You have no need to feel threatened or to be defensive when I ask you a question or share my thoughts and concerns. We're supposed to both be on the same team. We're supposed to both want the best social, emotional and academic outcomes for my child, but when you wont make eye contact with me, and shut me down when I attempt to talk to you, it makes me feel that perhaps you don't value my contribution or the knowledge I have of my own child's abilities and needs. Please remember that I'm a valuable resource when you are ready to ask the questions and really listen.
As a teacher I understand your need to be accountable to your line manager, the Principal and to the system. I accept that you need a 'benchmark' to measure his literacy progress. I understand that you need to keep records. I accept that there are rules and routines. That's how organisations work... conformity rules. As a parent the only thing that is important to me at this stage is that my child is excited about coming to school and he's engaged in learning and feeling great about himself and the contribution that he's making in the group. That he feels that he belongs and is not made to feel 'different' to the other kids by being denied access to the resources that he sees all his friends using. So thank you for eventually 'bending the rules' a little for him by allowing him to bring home a reader before you have "tested" him. That's what good teachers do. They seize the moment, and find opportunities for building children's confidence, they make sure there's plenty of success. Because good teaching is all about recognising and catering for individual needs, personalities and learning styles.
As a teacher I also understand that you have 'your way' of doing things in 'your classroom' that might be different to the way that I would do them. I respect that. I accept that recognition of 'sight words' is ONE way to measure performance. I also know after many years of teaching Reception children that recognising "sight words" is not "reading". As a parent I already know that my child has some very valuable early reading skills and behaviours. I know this because I've been reading with him daily since he was born. I've never talked about 'sight words' with him and yet magically he already knows quite a few. Our focus has always been on enjoying the story, looking at the pictures and working out what might be happening, and reading the story over and over until I can bear to read it no more... because that's what kids love, and that's how they learn. I know all of this because I was you once upon a time. I too was a young idealistic teacher who believed sincerely that her way was the best way, and my classroom was my castle. The children in my care were pretty much my whole life. I was dedicated and hard working and innovative and professional, and committed to making a difference.
Now that I am a parent, I can selfishly focus on the needs of JUST my own child, and I will be your staunchest supporter and ally if I can see the following things happening...
1. That my child is excited about what school has to offer and looks forward to the next day's challenges and adventures with enthusiasm, optimism and courage.
2. That my child is engaged in meaningful learning activities where it is acknowledged that much of his progress and success can't be measured by standardised testing.
3. That my child's social, emotional & spiritual needs are catered for as well as his academic needs.
So let's learn to trust each other, and to reserve judgement. To communicate with an open heart and generosity of spirit. Let's be patient with each other, and remember to be mindful of our own and each other's roles in my child's development. Let's understand that sometimes the lines between these roles are blurry, that they overlap and complement each other. Let's be mature enough to be open to alternative methodologies, practice and possibilities. Let's find a peaceful solution where there appears to be misunderstanding.
Let's lead by example... that's our job as responsible adults and role models.
