Today I finally got enough courage to 'de-friend' (from my Facebook account), a real life, long term friend who has been gradually but systematically excluding me from her real and online life over the last six months or so.
I'm sure it's probably upset me more than her, but I really have to walk my talk and 'let go' of a friendship that really doesn't even exist any more. A friendship that is bringing me way more angst than joy.
I'm not asking her for explanations, or apologies, or reasons.
There have been many, many opportunities for true friendship, kindness and communication, and the bottom line is that she has been totally 'absent' from my life while I've been through serious illness, celebrations, milestones, business, creativity, life... all totally ignored.
Exclusion and 'ignoring' people is just a subtle form of bullying. And I'm learning that self-respect is more important than being 'liked'. I am ME, and I am ENOUGH.
I'm forgiving her, and me. There's a lesson in this for us both. I'm choosing to send love and to let go of any expectations.
It's painful. I'm sad. I'm breathing and letting go...
7 comments:
This can't have been easy, and I bow to your courage to take that step and walk your talk. I've been through the same thing, and knowing it's necessary doesn't make it any less uncomfortable. You mentioned that ignoring someone is a form a bullying. That's a long-accepted method of ending a relationship without having any sort of confrontation. How would you have had her end the friendship? I really enjoy your posts...many blessings.
Thank you for writing this and saying what has been in my heart and on my mind.
I am living this as well. However, it is my entire extended family I have let go. Tired of the angst and secrets, I had to make way for healthier relationships. I left it up to them to contact me, and they haven't. That says a lot. 5 months. No calls. I know they expect me to break one day and pick up the phone, but honestly,it won't happen. My 12 year old nephew died and NO ONE TOLD ME! You would have expected even ONE person to care enough to call, or even to acknowledge me. They didn't.
Thank you for your comments, and for sharing your stories too. Lana, I'm not sure how to answer your question, except to say that I've had many friendships in the past where one of both of us have faded into the sunset without there being any major dramas, and no hard feelings. In fact I have many 'old' friends who I haven't seen for years but if we did bump into each other it would be lovely, and just like old times. I think this one was a little different because she was actively choosing to ignore me through social media while still maintaining contact with other friends. It really felt like I was being pressured to use FB the way that she wanted me to... I didn't feel like I could be myself without her disapproval. And there were comments made to a mutual friend that there were way too many 'warm fuzzies' on my pages for her liking. It was pretty clear that FB just wasn't working for us. In saying all that, I'm still sad weeks later... but I do feel like I've stayed true to myself by making the break. xx
Oh... Aint2nuts... I'm so sorry to hear your story. That's so sad! xx
I have done this, mine was a life long friend...but the reason we were friends, was no longer there...we had completely different lives, and when we were together it was only to relive and talk about the past...it was a toxic friendship and when I let it go, I felt lighter, I really did...I have not missed her, and maybe one day, when the time is right, I will get to tell her why...but for now, I am happy without her....very. Just because someone has been in your life for a long time, and play a big part in it, she was in my wedding...dosnt mean that you have to hang onto a friendship that is hurting you...I think you did a brave thing, and you will feel much better for it...........Suzanne.
Thank you for sharing this and your thoughts ... I did this to one so-called friend, whom I was quite close to, we had been there for each other many times, but not sounding like a martyr was always there for her. I nearly died last year, she knew about it, but over a period of weeks, which turned into months, I was the only one wishing Merry Xmas, asking how she was doing etc and have not had one phone call, message anything to ask how I am doing ... This saddens me and rarely a day goes by without thinking about her, but I can no longer utilise any more energy or cry any more tears for someone who obviously doesn't care to maintain a friendship. I even blocked her and some of her friends on fb as it hurt when I would see them interacting or photos and never even saying hello ...
I agree it is a very painful experience .....
Post a Comment