This year he's at Kindergarten, and the children have all been busy making special pictures with typed messages on them for their dads.
My heart almost broke when I saw all the kids collecting their artwork and proudly sharing their stories about what they loved about their dads. I wondered what I was about to read... I expected TJ to have some fabulous fantasy story about his dad's farm, or about driving the tractor, or even something about his dogs that we occasionally see via Skype. I smiled at the drawing & glanced at the words and saw "... I love you because you always trick me." Then I suddenly realised that it said
"DAVID, I love you because you always trick me."
Not DAD! Wow. Now I had tears in my eyes!
I did the whole big thing about how wonderful & special it was, and we made a big production about it when we got home, and David put it on the window next to his desk, and TJ was very proud of his work... but I still wonder what he makes of the whole Father's Day thing.
At only 4 years old, and having been in a single parent family since he was 6 months old, does he even understand the concept of what a 'DAD' is or does? What was the context of the activity that they did at Kindy? Was he prompted to choose the male role model in his life who was most significant? Was he given a choice about participating in the activity? Was he encouraged to write about his actual father?
Lots of unanswered questions from an ex-teacher who was always so careful to be inclusive of all family situations and arrangements!
And then today, I asked him if he wanted to do something special for his dad... his answer... "Nah... it's ok."
Does that mean that he doesn't love his dad? Does it mean that he doesn't care? I don't think so. Does it just mean that as far as he's concerned the "activity" was completed and now it's time to move on and play? Maybe there's something there that I can learn from him... do the job and move on perhaps? Feel the love, and 'let go' perhaps?
Dad is still 'dad', but we rarely see him or even hear much from him. He certainly doesn't play a significant role in TJ's life. Apart from 'Grumpy Gramps', David is the significant male role model in his life who plays soccer with him, takes him for bike rides, digs in the garden with him, watches TV with him, cooks for him, disciplines him, and yeah... does a fair bit of "tricking" too!
Time to let go of the idea of some of the guilt around his dad not being around... he has wonderful male role models in the shape of Gramps and David. I think we'll be celebrating "Grumpy Gramps' Day & David's Day" on Sunday!
